Have you ever wanted to do something quite badly, that was impossible because of circumstances beyond your control? Only to have those circumstances changes quite rapidly and then realize that the factors that were prohibiting you before were really just surface factors and something much deeper has also been holding you back?
All figurative language aside, I am really upset about something that I wanted to do. I’ve been wanting to sing in a formal setting for most of my life. I dreamt of being a country singer as a small child, even had the opportunity to stand onstage next to Lorrie Morgan once (though I was so young at the time, I didn’t fully grasp the honor at the time). In school, I took every opportunity to sing: chamber groups (hello, my Peace Piper friends, my Divas, even my Girls Ensemble friends from middle school!), a capella groups (Sevenfold, how I miss you all, and Sweet Tones, I’ll never forget you!), tricounty, all county, all state. I was once ranked the top alto in the state of Maryland. Yes, thank you.
After college, there was only one group I longed to sing with left on my list. I didn’t know that the Patuxent Voices existed until recently, but I did know of the St. Maries Musica madrigal group, and I wanted to be in that group so badly. I still do. One of their members, my friend Monty Hill, recommended I audition for Patuxent Voices in the meantime while they lacked an opening for a female voice. And I totally auditioned for Patuxent Voices last night. But then I heard the practice schedule and I realized (perhaps not fully until later) that this might not work as planned.
See, I am going to school part time and working full time. I commute to both. I have two dogs and a fiance at home and these are not things in my life I can neglect. I am planning my wedding. I am involved in my church. Very involed. Look in the church bulletin on a given Sunday and you’ll see the Clifton name written all over it.
Then I get the message that St. Maries Musica is having an emergency audition on Monday. And I am personally invited. And suddenly, the floor drops out from beneath me, because I can’t even make the audition, much less a practice schedule of that magnitude.
So you see, I am in a bind. I finally have these two great opportunities, and I am going to have to turn both down. And I am ever so disappointed.